Three Questions That Changed my Life (And Might Change Yours Too)

I'm going to be honest with you: I came to positive psychology from a coaching background. I was super excited to get into the psychology of change and had a desire to really connect with my clients. Then I burnt-out, I tried to do so much, parent young boys, work, study and it was too much. After years of pushing through exhaustion, ignoring my body's signals, my nervous system essentially said "enough" and shut down.

Burnout isn't dramatic. It's waking up one day and realizing you can't remember the last time you felt like yourself. It's moving through life on autopilot, disconnected from everything that once brought you joy. It was after or during the C word, Covid. I assumed I had long covid, this fatigue, this ache, and all these physical symptoms were all documented symptoms of long covid. I was “resilient”, so I spent hours in doctors, hospitals and bed insisting I was medically sick, the idea I was burnout did not resonate with me at all. Until it did, and after 3 months of psychotherapy I was able to admit it.

In that space - that difficult, humbling space - I crawled back to myself, and I got busy being better and diving back into the chaos and busyness of my life. I really like understanding strengths and what that can mean for a person. Love of Learning is one of my signature strengths, so naturally I turned to research and reading. When I gave myself time to be, I rediscovered positive psychology. Not as a performance enhancement tool, but as a lifeline back to myself.

These three questions became my daily practice. Not because they fixed everything (they didn't), but because they gently, consistently, reminded me of my own humanity.They still do.

Why Questions Shape Reality More Than Answers

Before I share the questions, here's what positive psychology research reveals: the questions we habitually ask ourselves literally shape what we notice, how we feel, and who we become.

Ask yourself "What's wrong with me?" daily, and your brain becomes extraordinarily skilled at generating evidence for your inadequacy.

Ask yourself "What's possible here?" and suddenly you'll spot opportunities you'd previously been blind to.

This isn't manifestation. It's neuroscience. Your brain is a question-answering machine, constantly scanning your environment for data that matches your inquiry.The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of questions you ask yourself. So let me share those questions.

Question 1: "What Went Well Today?"

When to ask it: End of your day, every day.

How to practice: Identify three specific things that went well - tiny or significant, doesn't matter. Could be "I had a proper lunch" or "I finally had that difficult conversation."

Then - this is the crucial part - ask: "What did I do to make it go well?"

The positive psychology behind it:

This is Martin Seligman's "Three Good Things" intervention, one of the most researched practices in positive psychology. Studies show it increases happiness and decreases depression for months after just one week of consistent practice. But here's why it mattered to me personally: when you're burned out or depressed or just exhausted by life, your brain convinces you that nothing is working. This practice doesn't deny difficulty - it restores balance.

What it actually changes:

After my burnout realisation, I could only see what I hadn't accomplished, what I'd failed at, how far I was from "better."

This question helped me notice: I got out of bed. I was gentle with my son when I had no patience left. I asked for help instead of pretending I was fine (this was really hard for me). I rested without guilt, even just for an afternoon. I shared the invisible mental load I was carrying with my husband and he helped clear that list. These weren't Instagram-worthy wins. They were tiny evidences that I was still here, still trying, still capable of small good things. Over time, my brain rewired. I started noticing what was working alongside what was hard. That balance was everything.

This practice doesn't eliminate pain or challenge. It just ensures those aren't the only things you see.

Question 2: "Who Do I Appreciate Today?"

When to ask it: Morning, ideally with your first tea or coffee.

How to practice: Think about yesterday. Identify one person - friend, colleague, barista, stranger who smiled at you on a hard day - who contributed something positive.

Then if appropriate send them a message. Thirty seconds. Be specific about what they did and why it mattered. If you can’t send that message, write it anyway.

The positive psychology behind it:

Robert Emmons' research shows that expressing gratitude strengthens relationships, increases happiness for both people, and even improves physical health. But there's something deeper: gratitude is relational. It reminds you that you're not alone. That your life is interwoven with others in ways you might not notice when you're just trying to survive.

What it actually changes:

When I was recovering from burnout, I felt alone - like I was failing at being resilient while everyone else had it together.

This practice helped me appreciate those around me. I started noticing: my friend who texted "thinking of you" without needing a response, or who sent me a massive box of my favourite sweets. My husband who took our son out so I could study. I wasn't alone. I'd just stopped noticing the web of care around me. Sending those appreciation messages did something unexpected: people started opening up about their own struggles. Turns out I wasn't the only one barely holding it together. We were all just managing in our own private struggles.

Gratitude became connection. Connection became lifeline.

Question 3: "What Can I Let Go of Today?"

When to ask it: Morning, ideally before checking your phone. (is this even possible anymore?)

How to practice: Scan your mental load - tasks, worries, expectations, grudges, the belief that you should be further along than you are.

Choose one thing to release, delegate, or deprioritize today. Then actually let it go.

The positive psychology behind it:

This draws from Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion - treating yourself with the same kindness you'd extend to a friend. Most of us carry impossible standards. We should be more productive, more patient, more together, more healed, more everything. We're perpetually not enough. This question interrupts that. It gives you daily permission to be human, to have limits, to choose what truly matters.

What it actually changes:

This was the hardest practice for me. Letting go felt like giving up. Like admitting defeat. But here's what I learned: holding onto everything doesn't make you stronger. It makes you brittle. And eventually, you break.

Letting go creates space. Space for rest. Space for what actually matters. Space for yourself. Some days I let go of a task (the housework can wait). Some days I let go of an expectation (dinner can be beans on toast). Some days I let go of a resentment (holding this grudge exhausts me more than it hurts them).

Each small release was practice in self-compassion. In trusting that I could survive being imperfect, incomplete, human.

Your Two-Minute Daily Practice

Here's how to integrate all three:

Morning (30 seconds): "What can I let go of today?" Choose one thing. Release it.

Midday (30 seconds): "Who do I appreciate?" Send them a quick message.

Evening (60 seconds): "What went well today and how did I contribute?"

Total time: two minutes. Total impact: your whole relationship with yourself and your life.

Begin Tomorrow

Set three reminders for tomorrow. When they go off, ask the questions. Don't overthink it. Don't journal extensively (unless that brings you joy). Just ask, answer, and move on.

These aren't life-changing in one day. They're life-changing in the accumulation of many days of asking better questions. If tomorrow you forget, build it slowly into your routine, this is not about perfect it is about right for you.

And if you'd like support asking better questions and building practices that honour your whole self - your strengths, your struggles, your humanity - let's talk.

Because you don't need to fix yourself. You need to ask yourself better questions. Starting with these three.

Let’s Discover what is right with you.